My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
