Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
