oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
