Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
