You're so nebulous sometimes
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
