i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
