I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
