After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
