I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
