I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
