Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
