My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
