is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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