i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
