Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
