i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
