It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
