if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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