Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
