at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
