I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
