i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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