A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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