i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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