Cold hands, warm shart.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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