I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I want a musical about memes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
