In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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