I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize