he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she looked like the before picture.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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