So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
