I just saw a hot homeless man
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
