Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
