woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
