she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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