her vagine was all disorganized.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
