and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
