Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
