I need help removing her.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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