haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
