he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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