I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
