I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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