so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
