The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
