Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
