i would punch a child for taco bell
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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