There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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