I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
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