the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
