I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
