The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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