I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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